The situation in the city is highly uncertain. No one waiting anymore in expectation of “Kerensky and his forces” … Yesterday, there was terrible bloodshed. They lay siege to the cadet school (the “Red Guard” and the soldiers) and beat the cadets viciously. See more
People are saying terrible things. One’s blood turns cold in one’s veins. God! God! Be merciful toward us, the sinful, the unhappy, who have so forgotten You!
The same uncertainty. Almost all the newspapers are shut down. Those not yet closed ("Volya naroda"Will of the people"" and "Delo naroda"Business of the people"") are vehemently attacking the “Bolsheviks”… See more
It is reasonably calm on the streets. I was on Nevsky Prospect. At the City Duma, a crowd (not a very big one) surrounded the sailors (on duty), indignant at the violence and shamelessness of the “Bolsheviks”.
There was a confusing incident. In a crowd, I was mistaken for Kerensky. They started to shout something. It is very worrying in the city. There was confusion everywhere, all along the street, however, the movement is relatively large…
There’s terrible machinegun and artillery fire going on... Word is, they’re firing at the Winter Palace. I’ve been gripped by a kind of numbness… I feel pity for no one and nothing. But surely this cannot be possible! It’s temporary! Surely my heart can’t be forever benumbed! Oh, Lord! Oh, Lord! Save Russia.
Perhaps, this is all an illusion (absolutely everything).
I'm so alone, my God, so alone!
A more complete happiness cannot be fathomed, than that of a mother’s happiness as she kisses her still barely babbling child. God! God! God! My God! If life had turned out a little differently, how blessed those ways opened to me would be.
People are, essentially, so strange to me - especially the youth.
Sitting before me was a general, his very full-bodied wife (wearing fur) and a cadet (their son, apparently). A beggar boy entered. He began tearfully begging for a cent. No one even moved a finger. Not the general's family, nor anyone else. See more
General's wife even shot him an arrogant, spiteful look (I'm sure he represented the revolution for her). I felt paralyzed, and, once I finally reached out for my wallet, the boy was already gone. I overheard some gentleman mockingly telling the boy:
-Come wash dishes for me!
-Yeah, right! As if he'll go! - another neighbour laughed.
I felt very nasty. It's a tiny moment, but it describes our whole life these days.
Having returned from Pesochnaya, I was in Matyushin’s home. I saw his amazing drawings of “large expanses”.
Despite all the horror, which reigns all around, despite the humiliation of the Russian people and the pain of Russia, how happy I am, that I am Russian and Orthodox.
How much more wonderful the Orthodox service is than the Protestant service.
I was counting money after the lecture. I loathed these crumpled notes terribly. I had no idea I had so much hatred towards them. See more
I imagined the faces of soldiers, workers, women waiting in line to the cashier’s. Everyone has their own lives, their own sorrows. And these crumpled notes - like their existence - are a crime.
Oh, how I fear that as the waves of democracy crash into the shore, they will be mixed with dirt, with mud, with reeds, and instead of a round, deep, whole wave, there will be a grimy little puddle.
A crisis of power again. On the streets, there have been demonstrations, shooting and utter chaos. It is unclear who is marching, where to, and why. Cars rush by, carrying armed soldiers and machine guns. It is unclear what tomorrow will bring. The Provisional Government is impotent. I am not afraid for Russia. See more
I have suddenly sensed that all will be well. Most importantly, before, when things were worse, but life seemed peaceful and fine, we said nothing. Before, we said nothing, even though people in Russia were dying of hunger. Now, when we are under threat of danger, when there are no trams (the main thing, of course is that we have no “conveniences” such as trams etc.) people are worked up.