I state that I’m in at the moment, it’s not bios, it’s… an antibiosis, a half-life. I’m tired, as the poets say, with every fiber of my being and every atom of my body. Two months in the city and not a minute of rest; it was only in the countryside that I finally realized just how tired I was, how tense. I’m of no use for anything.
And it’s strange – during the first week, when they killed Kerensky under the Gatchina and they’d just started to demolish the Kremlin, I slept restlessly. I ate and slept, I couldn’t even walk. The absence of newspapers and any news was intolerable initially, but immediately became as pleasant as Adam’s ignorance of good and evil. Boredom is such a good thing!
I barely escaped another arrest today.
I had discovered, moreover, upon returning from Moscow that I was expecting a child; this, in the circumstances, disturbed me greatly.
Life became every day more unstable, more alarming. The Bolsheviks issued decrees demolishing everything and hastened to carry out their programme. We stood, all of us, at the edge of a precipice, and I especially feared for my father. See more
Trotsky has communicated to the Allied military attaches a note asserting that his Government never desired a separate but a general peace, but that it was determined to have peace. It will, the note concluded, be the fault of the Allied Governments if Russia has after all to make a separate peace. See more