Our friends in Montevideo asked us to visit them again at the end of the Argentine season, which we did, and, at the request of the French and English Ambassadors, Vaslav gave an extra performance for the wounded soldiers of the Allies, Rubinstein accompanying him on the piano. The public went wild with enthusiasm. See more
We returned to Buenos Aires for a few days, to arrange our departure for Europe, deciding to leave on a different boat from the troupe. But Vaslav insisted on going down to the docks to say good-bye to the artists. "They are not responsible for the actions of Diaghileff and his staff."
As we waved good-bye to the slowly moving boat from the quay of the Rio de la Plata, we knew that we had said farewell forever to the Russian Ballet.
Despite all these worries, which fell upon BarocchiRandolfo Barocci is the administrator of the Russian ballet troupe, the husband of the ballerina Lydia Lopukhova. and me as from a cornucopia, our season in Buenos Aires was most successful. As time went on, the company enormously improved and the ensembles became quite excellent. Lopokova and Tchernicheva were extremely popular and so was Gavrilov, who alternated in the same parts with Nijinsky - to compete with whom was a feat in itself. See more
As for myself, I was kept perpetually busy with rehearsals and the patching-up of scenery damaged in the fire, and my responsibilities began to weigh upon me so heavily that I longed for the day of our return to Europe. But when this at length arrived and we found ourselves once more on board a ship, I was met with a final unpleasant surprise. An hour before we were due to sail I was informed that the shipping company had declined to load our materials, since their transport to Europe had not been paid for. Da Rosa had thus contrived to swindle us after all. We were accordingly forced to meet this charge out of our own pockets and were faced with the anxious task of ensuring at the eleventh hour that all our possessions were safely on board.
One time I was frightened, too, by Diaghilev but not any more - I am working very hard and am making great progress. But this progress is very different from that Diaghilev makes. I am different from Diaghilev, I have a heart - and I work with my heart and soul and hope to develop my spirit. I am no longer Nijinsky of the Russian Ballet - I am Vijinsky of God - I love Him and God loves me.
Once, at the finale, when he made his final jump, when he is chased by the soldier who hits him on the head, the audience rose with a scream, and I did too, although I had already seen Scheherazade more than a hundred times. In that final jump, Vaslav, with the briefest touch of his head on the floor, flung himself into the air by the action of his neck-muscles, quivered, and fell. I ran back stage, but there was Vaslav practising entre-chats! So convincing had his execution been that we all thought he was hurt.
But what I had been dreading all the time finally happened. Since the detectives were officially admitted to the theatre, and supervised the stage, curiously enough no more accidents occurred. I shall never forget the astonished faces of the management of the Russian Ballet when they asked, as they thought, some loafing strangers to leave, and were shown the detectives' badges. One evening when Petrouchka was given, during the last scene, when Petrouchka shows himself to the magician from the top of the Puppet Theatre, the thing happened. Suddenly the whole structure began to shake, as in an earthquake, and Vaslav pitched forward. He did not lose his presence of mind, and endeavoured to leap clear. From that height he would undoubtedly have injured his leg on landing, but Cecchetti, risking his own safety, sprang forward and caught Vaslav in his arms.
The investigation proved that the scenery had never been fastened. The signal had been given to begin the ballet before the stage hand could fasten it firmly enough.In spite of all the attacks that were made on him, even now Vaslav did not complain. He merely said, "Do not blame them. They do not realise what they are doing”.
It seems I had forgotten one drawback to our recent trip, until I opened the closet one day and discovered it was full of mice. I burst into tears when I saw what they did to my dresses. See more
"I give you all the furs and jewelry you want, Vaslav said softly, “but is it really so silly to not give them meaning? Have you ever thought about how they brutally kill these animals? And how dangerous a job it is for pearl divers? Because they also have children, and yet they subject themselves to danger every day for the sake of some women's jewelry. " Namely, Tolstoy still owned his brain.
Children should always be with their mothers. I took my Kyra to America. Stravinsky saw me off at the station, and I gave him my hand very coldly. I did not like him then, and therefore wanted to show him this, bit he did not feel it because he kissed me. I had a nasty feeling. We stayed in America for a year and a half. Thinking that travelling with the child would be bad for her. I left her in New York. Stravinsky did not write to me, nor I to him. Already almost a year and a half I have heard nothing of him.
In Massine Diaghilev developed the love for glory. I was not passionate either about works of art or glory. Diaghilev noticed this and left me alone. Left alone I ran after the girls, I liked them. Diaghilev thought that I was bored, but I was not. I practiced my dances and composed ballets alone. Diaghilev did not like this. See more
He did not want me to do things alone, but I could not agree with him. He often quarrelled. I used to lock my door — our rooms were communicating — and would let in no one. I was afraid of him. I knew that all my life was in his hands. I would not leave the room. Diaghilev was also alone. He was annoyed because everyone noticed our quarrel. He hated to hear people asking. “What is the matter with Nijinsky?” He went to Stravinsky for help — that was in a London hotel. Stravinsky took Diaghilev side because he thought that Diaghilev would leave me. I felt hatred against Stravinsky, as he was defending a wrong cause. I pretended to be defeated. Stravinsky thought that I was a nasty person. I was twenty-one years old, young, and often made mistakes, but I always wanted to correct them. Noticing that no one liked me, I pretended that I was disagreeable. I did not like Diaghilev, but lived with him; I hated Diaghilev from the first day of our acquaintance, because I knew his power. I was poor and 65 roubles were not enough to keep my mother and myself from starvation. I understood Diaghilev from the first moment and pretended to agree with him at once. One had to live, and therefore it was all the same to me what sort of sacrifice I had to make. I worked hard at my dancing and was always tired. But I pretended not to be tired at all in order that Diaghilev should not be bored with me. I know what he felt, he loved boys and therefore could not understand me. I do not want people to think that Diaghilev was a villain and that he should be imprisoned. I would cry, if people were to harm him. I do not love him, but he is a human being. Loving everyone, I do not want to cause pain to anyone. Everyone will be shocked reading this lines, but I want to to publish them during my lifetime, knowing their effect.