I have already managed to succumb to sadness and apathy—I don't know why I exist and what will happen to me in the future. I am only silent days on end. How long have I not seen you, how boring and uncomfortable it is without you, and soon it will be old age. That’s how it is—you live with whom you don't want to live, and don't live with whom you want to live. It is very hard and bitter without you. What is this for? God be with you.
Empress's name day passed quietly. Instead of hundreds of telegrams, only 3: from M-me Komstadius, Tolstoy-Bekhteeva, and the sweetest Lily Obolenskaya, who sent a lovely letter by express mail. She has a noble heart. They were congratulating until the afternoon mass. During the day I went out; it was rather warm, despite the horrible wind.
The bright wings of our fledgling freedom are sprinkled with innocent blood. I don't know who shot at the people on the Nevsky three days ago, but whoever these people were, these people are angry and stupid, people poisoned with the venom of the rotten old regime. See more
Our women, lead by my Akitsia, are in some state of ecstasy over Kerensky, seeing in him almost an angel that have descended from the sky—and specifically an angel of peace. This enthusiasm is shared by our kitchen staff. See more
In the evening I left for Pskov, where at the time there was a meeting of army commanders, where were Alexeev, Ruzskiy and a slew of army representatives—army commanders and heads of staffs from the whole front. In Pskov we listened to reports from various commanders. The picture that emerged from this exceeded all my worst expectations. See more
We travelled back to Crimes in misery. A crowd of soldiers-deserters besieged the train. The corridors became full, people climbed on the roof. The third-class car collapsed from the weight. Everyone was drunk, many fell off the roof en route. See more
I have had a talk with the great metallurgist and financier, Pertilov; we exchanged gloomy forecasts of the inevitable consequences of present events.
"A Russian revolution," I said, "can only be disruptive and destructive. because the first effect of a revolution is to liberate popular instincts, and the instincts of the Russian people are essentially anarchic. Never before have I so well understood the prayer wrung out of Pushkin by Pugatchev's adventure: May God spare us the sight of another Russian revolution, a thing of horror and absurdity!" See more
Wonderful weather presented itself for dear Alix. Before mass one of the men living in the palace and also our servants congratulated her. I ate, as always, alone. At 2 o'clock the whole family went out into the garden. We worked on the pond around the Children's Island. We broke up all the ice. We returned home at 4:30. I read to myself till dinner and in the evening read aloud. At 9 o'clock I started reading again.