His Majesty came to see me with Alexei and Tatiana. They were very sweet. The Empress also said that she would return after five o’clock tea. I hugged the Emperor several times, and he kept kissing my hand... my heart was breaking. It’s the state of the army which aggrieves the Emperor above all; he doesn’t understand an army without discipline. The Emperor came later and spent two hours with me. See more
I was overwhelmed. She showed such affection. She understands that I’m leaving for the sake of the children, and hopes for a counterrevolutionary reaction all the same; alas, if there is one, it won’t be in their favour!
Today the Tsesarevich told me: “Father gave us an exam. He remained very unhappy and said: “What did you learn?”" The young girls offered their services as teachers, and the crowned parents followed their example. The Emperor took upon himself the task of teaching history and geography, the Empress - God’s law and German, Iza - English, Nastenka - the history of art and music. See more
This is very good, as it engages them and brings a cultural stream into their democratised way of life. This was even noticed by one of the junior officers, who alternately guard the Emperor. He believes that they have just come down from the pedestal, and the Sovereign will gradually get used to his present way of life, if only his habits, his walks, tea at five o’clock in the evening and other meals will be allowed to him.
Kerensky arrived today, and the empress sent for me so that I might be present during the interrogation which was no doubt in store for her. She rehearsed all the unpleasant things she had been longing to say to him before his arrival. She was indignant and nervous, but I managed to calm her down by assuring her that Kerensky was doing all in his power to save her from the fury of the anarchists. See more
She agreed that I was right, and fell silent. At this point Kerensky entered the room accompanied by the commandant. He then asked us to kindly leave him alone with the Empress.
I then retreated with the Tsar into his bedroom and reported everything to him as it had been. We remained together until the interrogation was complete, at which point I went to the empress and Kerensky to the Tsar. The empress had been left with a favorable impression of Kerensky, who she called sympathetic and frank, and on whom she said she believed she could rely. I am left to deduce from this that Kerensky was similarly impressed, as she had spoken sincerely, and he must have seen that the description of her that I had given was accurate: she is entirely genuine in her unwavering deludedness.
The day of our engagement (23 years).
In all likelihood, some of our good friends, touched by our situation, managed to influence the Provisional Government and as a result we were visited by a commissioner, who gave us the order to immediately go to Crimea. The local council fully approved this plan, because it believed that the “presence of enemies of the people so close to the front is a great danger for revolutionary Russia.” See more
We almost had to carry the Empress to the station. She fought until the last minute, wanting to stay and stating that she would rather be arrested and thrown into prison.
Nicholas and I are allowed to meet only while eating, but not to sleep together.
After the service, Kerensky announced to his Majesty that he was obliged to separate him from her Majesty the Empress, and that their Highnesses should live apart, and see each other only at the dining table, on condition that they speak Russian at all times. They are also allowed to take tea together, but only in the company of an officer, as the servants are not present at these times. A little later the Empress came to me, greatly agitated, and said: See more
“How contemptible and how petty it is to treat his Majesty in this way, after he has sacrificed himself and abdicated the throne in order to avert a civil war! His Majesty did not wish the blood of a single Russian to be spilt for his sake. He has always been willing to give up everything, if he felt sure that it was for the good of the country.”
From this moment all in the palace are considered in a state of quarantine, and contact with the outside world is forbidden.
I have burnt the letters I received from Lili Dehn. I sat today with Anya.
Sweet, beloved Treasure.
What relief and joy it was to hear your precious voice only one heard so badly and one listens now to all our conversations. This morning only read the manifest and later another from M. People are beside themselves with misery and adoration for my Angel. A movement is beginning amongst the troops. Fear nothing from Sunny, she does not move -- does not exist. Only I feel and foresee glorious sunshine ahead. See more
God knows what goes on -- here rifles choose their own Commanders and behave abominably to them, don't salute, smoke in the faces of their officers. Don't want to write all that goes on, so hideous it is. The invalids upstairs and downstairs know nothing of your decision -- fear to tell them and also vet unnecessary.
You, my love, my Angel dear, cannot think of what you have and are going through -- makes me mad.
Revolution in Germany, W. killed, Son wounded, one sees all over the freemasons movement.
Live with you, love and adore you. Kiss and embrace so tenderly fondly. God bless and keep you now and ever. Get somebody to bring a line -- have you plans more or less for the moment: God on high will help and new krestopoklonnaya coming. Hold you tight, tight, your very own Wify.
Only this morning we knew that all given over to M. and Baby now safe - such comfort.
Beloved, soul of my soul, my own wee one, ah, how my heart bleeding for you. Love, my Love – it will go well, it must and I don’t waver in my faith. Sweet Angel, oh, me loves you so -- always together, night and day – I feel what you are going through -- and your poor heart. God have mercy, give you strength and wisdom. He won't forsake you. He will help, recompense this mad suffering and separation at such a time when one needs being together. See more
Pavel just came -- told me all. I fully understand your action -- my own hero! I know you could not sign against what you swore at your coronation -- we know each other through and through and need no words - and, as I live, we shall see you back upon your throne, brought back by your people and troops to the glory of your reign.
You have saved your son’s reign and the country and your saintly purity and (Judas Ruzsky) you will be crowned by God on this earth in your country. I hold you tight, tight in my arms and will never let them touch your shining soul. I kiss, kiss, kiss and bless you and always understand you.
Beloved, precious Light of my Life, Grammatin and Soloviev are going off with 2 letters hoping that at least they can reach you to bring you and get news. It's more than maddening not being together - but souls and hearts are more than ever - nothing can tear us apart, though they just wish this, that is why they won't let you see me until you have signed a paper of theirs - responsible ministers or Constitution. See more
The nightmare is that having no army behind you, you may be forced into it - but such a promise is 'null' when once in power again - they meanly caught you like a mouse in a trap - unheard of in history - and it kills me the vileness and humiliation: the young men will tell you clearly the whole situation which too complicated to write and I give only some letters which can be burned or easier hidden away.
But God Almighty is above everything and loves his pomazannik bozhiy and will save and bring you to your right again. Your little family is worthy of you, so brave and quite. Now the Eldest and Cow also know everything, we had to hide it, so they sure very ill indeed, such coughs, sick without end & feeling terrible.
There are absolutely no messages from St. Petersburg. This is very unpleasant. The Duma is closed, I wonder why. They say that this is definitely her! Another terrible mistake in such a moment! You truly have to be mad to assume such responsibility.
Thanks for the news. Am glad everything is all right with you. Hope to be at home tomorrow morning. Embracing you and the children. God save you.
-9°C. I had lunch upstairs with Lily. Horrible things are happening in St Petersburg. Revolution.
My own Treasure,
Tender thanks for your dear letter. This will be my last one. How happy I am at the thought of meeting you in two days. I had much to do & therefore my letter is short. See more
After the news of yesterday from town – I saw many faces here with frightened expressions. Luckily Alexeev is calm, but finds a very energetic man must be named to make the ministers work for the fond question, coal, railings. That is right of course.
God bless you, my beloved Sunny! I cover your sweet face with kisses, also the children. Give her my love.
Ever your own, Nicky
Many thanks letter. Leave tomorrow 2.30. Guard cavalry from nov ordered at once for town. God grant vicissim (disarders). Troops shall soon be stopped. Always near you. Tender love to all.